On Making Mom Friends, i.e., Dating

When I was 8, I had crushes on boys. At 28, I get crushes on moms.

After leaving corporate America, I basically had to reinvent my entire life—meet new people, find new rhythms, decide how we’d spend our days. Foremost, I had to find some mom friends. Those connections, I suspected correctly, would be my oxygen. And so, I started MOM DATING!

Well, that’s what I call it. And let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. Seeking out social settings ideal for viable prospects? Check. Tentative first meeting on neutral ground? Check. Hoping for instant chemistry? Check. Mental list of topics in case the convo starts lagging? Check. Fear of rejection? Oh, DOUBLE check.

Also, I’ve been out of the dating scene since 2004, so I wouldn’t say my game is on fire. It’s possible I’ve become more subtle with my mom stalking over the past year, but also not likely. I have officially hit on moms in the following places: frozen yogurt shop, Nordstrom, Chick-fil-A, park, Disneyland, grocery store, pediatrician. I’ll stop there to retain some sense of dignity. Oh, who am I kidding. Me: “She looks young and cute and… THAT’S NOT A PURSE STRAP, IT’S A MOBY WRAP!!!! HEY, YOU WITH THE KID!!!!!!! BE MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Really, though. I frequently say things like: “Can I get your number?!” and “I’d love to get together sometime!” and “We should do this again!” and “Oh, the South Coast Plaza family restroom?! You have to see it to believe it! Next date, we’re going shopping!”

Or, I meet a mom for lunch. And I really like her. But then she never calls, and I get sad. “Did she not like me?! Was she expecting ME to call?! Is she not available for the kind of commitment I’m seeking?!” Oh, DEAR! Or I just totally stress out. “She’s great. Should I text her? We just met yesterday. Too soon? Too much? Would email be better? Can I add her on Facebook or do people even still do that? I really need to get out more.”

It’s a process, and it’s ongoing. But you know what? Over time, some incredible friendships have blossomed from my adventures in pursuing this new kind of love, these precious souls in my same unique life stage. Maybe I overshare on the first date and maybe I use WAY too many Emojis, but so far, my new friends have embraced me regardless. They are worth EVERY bit of my fumbling through the early days like a pimply teenaged boy. I could not do motherhood without them. Our similar struggles, tiny victories, absolute obsession with our kids even while we want to murder them. I have met some of the most truly beautiful, open, hilarious women over the past year—through random stalker incidents, Bible studies, moms’ groups, mutual friends, the list goes on. And I hope to meet so many more, one awkward dating MOMent at a time.

In growing up, my life has changed, so very much, except for not really, that much. I still feel like the same little girl navigating the world, needing my mom, craving a sense of belonging, getting crushes on people and wondering what in the world to do about it.

But I say: Mom date.

Be a little awkward.

Put yourself out there.

You might meet the love of your life.