Oh, hello, my beautiful loves! It has been a hot while. I sit down to write this blog post in the middle of COVID-19 not because I have something specific or profound to say, but because I am bubbling, simmering, overflowing and emptied of so many feelings—in equal measure, in chorus, in intermission, through great highs and deep lows, sharp breaths and real cries. And, I know you are, too. I sit down to write ... View Post
Last One
The dull ache of fear in my chest clashed starkly with the sparkling ocean sprawled far below and for miles from where our family of four strolled the cliffs of Corona del Mar. I’d walked these cliffs many times. I’d walk them many to come. But this day, I hardly felt present. I felt antsy and angsty and off. My foggy mind’s eye still blinked like crazy, unfocused, from my shock only hours before. A mere ... View Post
Rainbows and Remembrance
Every October 15 for the rest of my days, I will light two candles to shine on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. And when my girls are a few years older, I will talk to them about their two little angel siblings who never quite made it to earth. My mom had four miscarriages, and while not talked about all the time, it was always a mystical fact intertwined in our family dynamic. There were four of us here ... View Post
Restoration Software
To my precious blog readers! Wow. I cannot believe it’s been almost a year since I blogged. I’ve been healing, learning, surviving and—GASP—growing the third baby I hoped so deeply that God would bring to me in the wake of my second miscarriage. Reading my last post below brings me back to old tears and springs new ones, as I see in written ink that He is so faithful. Reese Victoria Mack, our third baby girl, came to ... View Post
Threads of Grace
Valleys and peaks. Losses and gains. Doubts and answers. Soul-crushing anguish and incredible joy. Such is the human experience. Right? Unfolding in the predictably unpredictable patterns that make up a life. Of course there are the usual, everyday, happy-but-challenging, normalish lifey times, too. ... View Post
Every Time :: Part 3
Home again, for real. I couldn’t wait to see the girls, but halted abruptly halfway up our front walkway, filled with amazement. My mandevillas. The warm sun beamed down on the strong, exquisite, crimson flowers reaching beautifully for the heavens. Each individual plant must have grown a foot simply from standing up straight, out of the shadows. In a single day. The power of light. The Lord makes His face shine upon ... View Post