According to the dictionary and my Christian upbringing, the word backslide means: “to lapse morally or in the practice of religion.” I’m not crazy about the term in casual reference to people or souls, since I’ve so often heard it used with more gossip than grace.
But, there is a use of “backslide” I do love!!! I was thinking about my own definition of this familiar term after organizing my closet recently and noticing just how quickly I can relapse into messy behavior:
back ● slide
intransitive verb
- When you start out with the BEST of intentions for incredible habits, but inevitably fall back into your horrible ways.
Under this definition, I backslide OFTEN. Every week. Every day. Every time I turn around. In so many areas, I start out committed to stellar conduct, then slip into reckless deviance.
However, these inclinations teach me incredibly valuable lessons about life and myself. How can I learn from my weaknesses? It’s a really good question to ask, even when I don’t like the answers.
So here is my list of backsliding blunders, along with my best shot at takeaways. Because it’s completely OK to gossip about yourself—and also to give yourself grace:
1. Car Cleanliness. I admit it: my car is where I let it ALL hang out. Car/closet/office/nursery/all-around storage unit. So after an expensive and in-depth detail, I swear up and down that I’m going to change my ways. And I always do. For about 15 minutes.
Lesson: You’re the mom of a toddler; give yourself a break. But, get a car wash this week. Please?
2. Cardiovascular Diligence. Apparently, I’m getting to the age where my OB/GYN must preach that regular cardio is essential to my heart health and life longevity. I’m pretty good at maintaining an exercise pseudo-routine. But, if I’m honest, whenever I set out to tackle 5-6 days of cardio per week, without fail, this never lasts longer than four weeks. Okay, fine, four days.
Lesson: Set realistic goals; don’t burn out. Three days per week of exercise is totally fine, and keep getting creative: walks with Emerson, lunges with Emerson, naps with Emerson. Oh, wait.
3. Sunglass Care. Beautiful new Chanel aviators, I will NEVER let you down! Daily cleanings and case storage forever! Alas, one year later, I will find you bare on my kitchen counter or smeared with sunscreen and my heart will break at my own depravity.
Lesson: Take better care of your things. Or buy cheaper sunglasses. I’m not giving you a break on this one.
4. Prayer Journaling. “Dear Lord, You are awesome! I am going to journal my prayers every morning for the rest of my life!” Blank pages for days. Prayer journaling is very close to my heart, and a huge part of my relationship with God. I love looking back and seeing His hand in my life. But, especially with a child, I now fall short in filling handmade-in-India journals with the fanciest-gel-pen writing. Thankfully, God can hear my cries just as well from the grocery store aisle or playground. Tapping a frantic prayer into iPhone Notes or a running Word doc has also proven effective.
Lesson: Make time to meditate and commune with the Lord, no matter what that looks like. Also, I’m obsessed with the Word doc thing. My digital mom journal has turned into quite the volume.
5. Emerson’s Bow Organization. My daughter has about 500 headbands and bows. Every few weeks, I gather them into one place, placing them neatly in their apothecary jar or hanging them from a ribbon. Day by day, though, they start to turn up in my purse, desk drawers or the microwave. They litter her nursery and the world.
Lesson: Don’t even stress; she’ll be old enough to help with clean-up in no time.
6. Reading through the Bible. THIS IS THE YEAR! I’m going to read through the whole Bible in 365 days and NOTHING CAN STOP ME. Pretty sure I’ve read the book of Genesis 89 times. I get to Leviticus if I’m lucky. I do read my Bible consistently and would be lost without it, but the year-long plans just don’t seem to work for me.
Lesson: Read the Bible with discipline but a flexible heart. And let’s be honest—when you’re a mom to young babes, some days, a little Jesus Calling at naptime is truly a glowing miracle.
7. Drinking Diet Coke. New study (for the 1,000th time): “Diet Coke KILLS!” How could I have EVER poisoned my body with such noxious slime?! Only water for THIS girl! Until I’m at Ralph’s on a rough day and the Diet Coke is just STARING right into my eyes. Seduction city! Especially at restaurants, because Diet Coke is always better at restaurants where lemon adds flavor and the refills are free.
Lesson: There are worse vices, but there are better ones, too. Let’s just find moderation. One per day max sounds reasonable.
8. Expanding My Recipe Repertoire. I’m a stay-at-home mom. I should wow my husband EVERY night with exotic recipes made with vegetables from my home-grown garden!!!! Let’s at least try one extremely fancy new recipe (i.e., 5+ ingredients) every single week. This is fun for a while, but always short-lived. It’s usually back to my culinary quick tricks in no time. Oh, and I don’t have a garden. As if!
Lesson: Try an exciting new homemade recipe at least ONCE in a while because you truly enjoy it on some level. But, rest assured knowing that Trader Joe’s and Costco have it nailed, and there’s no need to reinvent genius.
9. Early Rising. Emerson rises between 7 and 7:30 a.m. So I get on kicks when I wake up at 6 a.m. to obtain a head start: work out, pray for mercy, caffeinate. They are called kicks for a reason. They eventually kick me in the tired booty and Emerson once again becomes my alarm clock.
Lesson: I’m actually seriously working on this one. I would LOVE to start rising before Emerson every day. But, it’s HARD. Apparently it takes 30 days to form a habit, so maybe I just need more patience. Let’s start with three days. I’ll report back.
10. Forbidding Technology for My Toddler. I am completely against mainstream media and digital entertainment for one-year-olds. Until we’re at a fancy sushi restaurant and my kid is having a stage-five 10-alarm meltdown and strangers are staring at me like clearly I’m abusive and vile. TAKE THE IPAD, ALREADY! JUST WATCH SOME BARNEY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Lesson: Will a little iPad time seriously hurt in my MOMents of desperation? I don’t know. If you are a child psychologist, I would genuinely love your input. Hmmm, scratch that, maybe I wouldn’t.
Whew! After writing those out, I feel mostly like I just confessed every single New Years’ resolution I never kept.
Oh, well!
I feel confident God loves me anyway.
Kirsten Beck says
Loved reading these!!! You have a great perspective on things =) Miss you! xoxo
Stephanie Mack says
Aw, KIR! Miss you to pieces (and so does Emerson)!!! We are looong overdue for a walk. Let’s make it happen asap! XOXO 🙂